If anyone else told you this, i'm sure you would distance yourself from this person as being a luddite. But what if this came from a pioneer of computer science? Surely you're joking you would say. But no. It's true.
Email is a wonderful thing for people whose role in life is to be on top of things. But not for me; my role is to be on the bottom of things.
This is from Donald Knuth, renowned computer scientist and Professor Emeritus of the Art of Computer Programming at Stanford University.(link)
While lesser mortals like me will still need to use e-mail heavily i think it's important to not allow technology to come in our way, especially our capacity to stay focused on a task. I'm sure almost all of us at some stage have been distracted by checking our e-mail for an update from the admin team on tomorrows flight tickets. Or fooling ourselves into thinking that "we need a break" and hence check e-mail. And the worst culprit - the Blackberry device.
An excellent aid to efficiency it can be a bad accomplice to distractor goons in our head.And with the amount of spam coming into our mail boxes, it's irritating to have the Blackberry beep and checking it only to find an unsolicited e-mail for a training programme. And many have this fascination for replying to e-mails within a minute of its coming into our mail boxes (i confess i do to, to a certain extent)
One thing that has worked for me in office is to put the Blackberry on "e-mail silent" mode and checking e-mails once every two hours on the laptop itself. I had also got into the bad habit of replying to e-mails in the dead of the night - these would be mostly e-mails from countries on the wrong side of the time zone. I've stopped this too. I use the "bedside mode" in the "phone calls only" option.
Maybe another good strategy is to have an alarm ring at some fixed time in the day - say 3 pm - this would be the "e-mail checking" time.
Lastly, i think it also pays to be smart with how you handle e-mail traffic. One has to learn to sift through e-mail rapidly to:
1) Read Now
2) Read Later (though a large number in this list is psychologically damaging when you see your mailbox)
3) Forward and Forget (like "please tell your team" memos)
4) Forward to action ("Hi S, can you pls. see this and reply. Thanks")
5) Delete
The one big (and common!) mistake people do is to read through every 'forward' that comes their way. Please don't! You are not doing anyone a favour by reading their e-mails. Most people who forward something to you may do it just because you are on their list. Or that some information may be useful to you. It is your responsibility to figure out whether something needs to be read or not. With the information deluge that each of us is going through, sound info-sifting strategies have almost become a survival game.
(P.S - i've written it as e-mail and not email as Prof. Knuth suggest at the end of the page here - yeah, so i do one more keystroke. Big Deal. Taking this logic forward we should do away with so much punctuation and nuance (why caps at the start?).)
Convenience and the Internet have become synonymous for consumers like me. Gone are the days when you had to struggle to find out the simplest things like where is the nearest Canara bank branch located.
In the pre-Internet days you would probably do something on the following lines:
1) Search the telephone directory under "C"
2) Call up a branch listed in the directory
3) Be put on hold or keep having your line getting transferred or hear a response like "What do you think this is? A help-line?"
4) Give up after some time
5) Call up a few friends and locate the branch
Now with the internet all you do is:
a) An online search with a few helpful tags like "canara bank branches mumbai".
b) Get to the Canara bank webpage where you are greeted by a couple, delirious no doubt, with the joy of internet banking.
See a blue tab called "locators" right there.
b) Locate the branch
Simple, right?
NO!
This is what you get when you go through that process:
Yes. Some brain decided to sort the list. Alphabetically. Based on the first letters of the address, which God knows is as random as you wouldn't want it to be. Total number of records: 103. And to get more pleasure out of the exercise, they limit the display results to 10 a page. So i have to keep clicking and search on every page for the area i am looking for. No Good.
Best part is if i just do a "Canara bank Mumbai" Google search, it gives me a really nice result format - the one i kind of want.
Would it have hurt to give this format on the webpage? Or at least give an area-sorted list? Or an area-search button?
So what am i left with? Step 5of the pre-internet process: "Call up a few friends and locate the branch"
It's easy to talk about e-responsiveness but if you're not thinking about the process from the consumer angle there's no point really. You might as well operate it as a brick-and-mortar establishment. That way at least you won't raise expectations and have it crashing down later.
Incidentally, a site that does a much better job on this front is this
'Go for it,' my mother said, 'they might never ask you again. Our show isn't on air yet. No one knows who you are. Do it and you'll have these beautiful pictures to look at when you're my age'.
Crazy.
But then parents forcing their children to do all kinds of things for their own fame - which i am assuming is the case here - is not entirely an unknown thing.
I am. Because in a state of madness i decided to get back to the land of milk, honey and Arjun Singh called India.
(Warning: Long rant ahead!)
I landed three days ago. My nerves are tingling and my head throbbing with the simultaneous assault of :
1) Honking
Q: Why are people here so stupid? If the traffic signal is red and you have six cars ahead of you, how does honking help?
2) Shouting
I think the unwritten rule here is that you have to raise your voice to "get work done". Soft polite talk is never on, so it seems.
3) Street dogs howling
Q: How is it okay to let street dogs proliferate? Despite kids getting mauled by street dogs, no one seems to bother. Yes, don't kill them but at least spay them for God's sake.
4) Renovation work
Some businessman upstairs in doing some 'renovation' which i believe has been going on since six months. There is continuous hammering, sawing and that ear-splitting, nausea-causing granite polishing. Apparently pleas to this gentleman to give a deadline by which he can finish this 'renovation' and not doing work in the afternoon in deference to senior citizens has fallen on deaf ears. "He knows people", they tell me.
5) Baarat (wedding processing)
Someone's getting married and has chosen to inflict his wedding on everyone in a 10 mile radius. There's a live band that's playing some raucous stuff. Streets are jam-packed.
I can't take it. I decide to shut the windows, plug my ears with cotton and connect to the net. The supposed 'broadband' connection at my home in Bombay seems worse than a dial-up connection. I try using my wireless internet card and apparently i don't have enough signal. For curiosity i check if there are any wireless connections around. None. IT superpower? If computing doesn't touch the daily lives of people, how does writing code make us an "IT superpower". And my home is supposed to be one of the most upmarket locations in town.
I then decide to organize some of my papers. I call up my bank (a multinational bank, by the way) for status on my account. The lady said she'll call me back in half-an-hour. "Half and hour! Just for status?" I get some server-is-down crap or something. It's more than four hours now. Not a call. Not even a call to say she'll call later. Oh, but how could i forget. In India, it's the customer's duty to call.
The bell rings. Postman. Thumps a package on the threshold.
"Geez man, careful - there's stuff in there".
"This thing weighs a ton. What is it?"
"Some of my books and papers"
"Well, you know, i broke my back getting this"
"Ok"
"It's not easy, you know"
"Hmmm...."
"I really broke my back. Ahhhh"
"Ok"
"I took a rickshaw to get here. Cost me Rs. 25"
"Ok"
"It's not the regular thing you know"
"What is the regular thing?"
"Well, if it's too heavy we would just give you an intimation and have you collect it from the post office"
"Actually, there are more such packages expected. So don't break your back the next time. Why don't you just leave an intimation for me and i'll pick it up from the post-office"
"Oh no. I know your dad since ages. I would never have you come to the post-office. I'll get it - don't worry."
"err...."
"But yeah, i think i have broken my back. And i spent Rs. 25/- on this."
"Sorry about that. Get well soon"
Slimeball. Thinks he's doing me a favour by getting a package to me for which i've paid 150$ (yes!) as postage. Honestly, after this incident i am worried about the fate of my other packages. These contain my personal research notes and books with all my annotations that i've spent almost 500$ on shipping. Should i have just paid him off? Naa...
I decide to pay a visit to one of my old teachers who lives about four miles away. Get some pearls of wisdom which might make me feel better. Five cabs tried. Each of them gives me the FCJ. FCJ = Flick-Cluck-Jerk ; Flick of the wrists, then a cluck of the tongue followed by a jerk of the neck away from you which basically means "Will not go where you want to. Buzz off". This is if he likes you. If only a cluck it means he doesn't like you and wants you to quickly buzz off. I decide to walk the distance to my teacher's house.
I also try visiting an old friend on the way. There is some security system in place in his apartment building where you are supposed to fill up a register on who you are, why are you visiting etc. I just don't see the point of this system anyway because i could just say i was George Bush from the White House and the security guy wouldn't bat an eyelid. Anyway, the register is kept at some corner which the sharpest eye will not see.I keep walking and before long i hear that wierd sound that is produced by elongating the lips and sucking in air through it. No "excuse me" or anything. And the guy is just sitting at his place without moving his ass.
In all this, i think i was just lucky that i was prepared for the bozos on the flight back home. (Red-eyed guy: "get me one more whiskey fast", Orange T-shirt guy with cap and shades on in the flight: "Only one peanut packet with beer? I want two"). And Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport. The typical phenyl smell, unsmiling faces, an ayah (janitor) lazily wielding her broom and succeeding in spreading the dirt everywhere. Two fellows with some official badges approaching me with "Customs se clear karva deta hoon, sir" (i could clear your luggage from Customs for you, sir). No thanks. I'd rather pay duty if i have to. I make the mistake of asking where the restrooms are from some official. I think he did not want to be awakened from his slumber so he said he didn't know and went back to sleep.
I think i should do that too. If this is what happens in two days, i am scared.
Why do you disappoint, India? Why are brainless morons now inhabiting you? Where is all that magnificent culture and civilization which others could only dream about.Where did you lose it? When did you lose it? Why did you choose to lose it?
If your answer is yes, good for you. If not, contact me immediately and i will give you an expensive gem that will remedy the situation. Now! hurry up! Rush!....
"This is the year of the Leo. So Sagittarians and Geminis are bound to be successful", thus spaketh Mr. Bejan Daruwalla.
And the context? Apparently the producers of Big-Shetty-Brother have contacted him on"how religion plays an important role in the life of Indians and also asked me the role of astrology in India".
How convenient for these reporters. Catch the right people in India to potray the usual "Caste, Cows, Curry, Constellations" trash. Do not expect any mention in this programme of how religion* influenced science, arts, architecture, literature etc. in India.
Anyway, more insights:
“It was such a coincidence that Shilpa, who is a part of Channel 4’s ‘Big Brother’, is born on June 8 and this lady’s (the reporter who contacted Mr. Daruwalla) date of birth is June 9. Both of them are Geminis, and Shilpa may perhaps win,”he says.
My mind is spinning. Just like the planets Mr. Daruwalla claims to have a total impact on your life. This is really a revolting brand of astrology.
Here's a piece of advice from Sri Mantreswara, author of the 16th century astrology classic Phaladeepika:
"Planets are constantly favorable to one who is always calm, possessed of self-control, who has earned wealth through virtuous means, and who is always ethical and moral".
Classical Indian thinking was never totally deterministic. The theory of Karma is not an easy one to understand. Ignorance, superstition, bad translations of Sanskrit works and charlatans wanting to make a quick buck have created one big mess.
Ancient texts are flooded with examples on how a person's destiny (if you believe in the concept of 'destiny'. I do. But not in Mr. Daruwalla's sense) has been changed with a combination of right thinking and right action. The Gita Itself says that one just has to do the required tasks at the right time with the right effort and attitude (no attachment to results).
Bottomline: If you believe in astrology and do want to go to an astrologer, please stay away from those who:
1) Put fear into you
2) Tell you that everything is pre-ordained
3) Lead you into thinking that unless you purchase some gem you will be ruined for life
Link to the news article here.
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* The word religion itself is probably not the right word for Indic dharmas like Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism
