Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The News - 8 for the day

After the last entertainment i had here, i revisited the great tragico-comedy thing called 'The News'. This time i chose the 'National News'.

Amazing time i had. Here is the result of my casual scanning.

Headline 1: Rajya Sabha adjourned due to foul smell of chemicals

" After 40 minutes of proceedings, an unexpected smell of chemical wafted through the Upper House, forcing members to draw the attention of Chairman... "
....who of course, adjourned the house. Of course, millions of Indians go through this everyday but they don't have the option of 'adjournment'.


"But, even at 1230 hours there appeared to be no change in the situation despite spraying of fresheners by the Rajya Sabha staff."
Headline 2: MPs to get salary hike
"...a parliamentary panel, ....,had pointed out that Indian lawmakers were the lowest paid and government was competent under the Constitution to increase salaries of MPs"
Three things in the above statement:

1) The parliamentary panel decides
How objective, isn't it?

2) "Indian lawmakers - the lowest paid"
Really? Are they sure?
Anyway, even taking this at face value, the real question to ask is "Do you deserve a raise?" Pray, what have we done in the last 6 decades?

Do you still want an increment? Actually wait... we will give you one if:
a) You are held accountable (and not by homilies like "we are accountable to the parliament")
b) You give citizens a list of CLEAR objectives that you will be held to
c) If you do not meet the objectives, you will be recalled


3) "government was competent under the Constitution to increase salaries of MPs"

Headline 3: Heavy rains cause rivers to rise in Orissa
Oh, that was a surprise. I didn't know that happened when it rained.

Headline 4: Cola comment: SRK posters torn

SRK is Shahrukh Khan, a popular actor in India. Why were his posters torn? Because he said something like:

"...Shah Rukh's statement that whether the agency that tested the soft drink for pesticides had analysed if mother's milk also contained harmful chemicals"
Headline 5: British high commissioner to visit Bihar
For what? "to explore investment opportunities in the state".Wonders never cease. But to be fair, without Laloo, chances of business are better.

Headline 6: Hygiene levels in Delhi Zoo to be enhanced
This typifies the way govt. machinery works. After the Damage.

"After the death of six endangered Asiatic lions in the Delhi zoo, Centre is taking steps to enhance hygiene levels in the premises to avoid recurrence of such incidents"
Headline 7: No mercy for teacher who rapes student: SC
Mercy? The guy should be tortured. Alternatively handing him to the Taliban without a beard will do. They'll do the rest.
Best is the abominable offender:
"Finding that all loopholes in the case have been sealed, the teacher pleaded for leniency saying he has a family to support and that the victim has since got married."
In my kingdom, that kind of a statement would come with extra brutal torture - much, much worse than listening to Bappi Lahiri.

And guess what - it took 19 years to come up with this judgement. Also, i've often wondered what kind of goon lawyers stand up for such people.

Headline 8: Family drowns as crowd looks on
5 people drowning. Not that everything happenned in a jiffy. They were trapped for eight hours. Not that they were trapped in an isolated place. They were trapped in full view of a large crowd AND GOVERNMENT MACHINERY. Whatever 'machinery' this is - it's ready to be given as scrap. And no thanks - don't want anything for it. Just take the rotten fellows away.
" The passengers climbed atop the car and began screaming for help.....the tragedy was complete in eight hours when the members were swept away, one after the other."
Can you believe how dead we've become? We just stand staring FOR 8 HOURS at a family of 5 dying? Like someone said, we have a billion people in that country - a few here and there don't make a difference. Just stand and stare.

And oh, what about this: don't just stand and stare. Take pictures of the dying family as well. Fun, isn't it? See here

BUT, in all this, as always, members of one organization stood up for the values they represent:
"Two soldiers jumped into the river to try and help the of the soldiers also got swept away".
I've had enough now.


Ajith said...

it was shocking to see Vasundhara Raje Scindia proclaim "We did our best to save them, you don't expect us to jump into the water and get drowned"!
Jst go jump from Amer Fort for all I care!

Sharan Sharma said...

She actually said that! No madam, what we expect you to do is have a plan in place when such things happen. A disaster + contingency plan.

And oh, how can we forget that when the police were called - when the situation was not totally out of control - they came without any gear to help! As in, the cops turned up but didn't get anything along - even after being told!